Chapter 40

Mule was worried about his friend. He had never seen Squiggy this upset. "What happened?"

Squiggy stared at the beer sitting in front of him for several seconds before responding. "It didn't work!"

"What didn't work?"

"My thing."

Mule frowned. This didn't make any sense to him. "What thing you talking about?"

Squiggy leaned over toward Mule so his face was approximately an inch away. He looked very intense. "My unit didn't work!"

It just so happened that a strange quietness settled over the Last Call right before Squiggy mentioned very loudly about his appendage not working. Thus, a good portion of the people gathered in their vicinity heard about his problem.

Squiggy realized that he had said that a little too loud and looked around to see people staring at him. "It's just a temporary state of affliction! Mule let the dadgummed doctor remove my right nut without my permission!"

"Doctor said it was smushed!" Mule added. They were again arguing about the removal of Squiggy's testicle to a group of onlookers who thought this was very interesting.

"Never got no second opinion!" Squiggy said.

"That ain't right!" a cowboy at the next table said. "I'd probably shoot anybody who took one of my boys."

"Squiggy, are you gonna live?" asked a butt-ugly, fat blonde sitting at a table by herself.

"Ugh," Squiggy said after looking at her. "Yep, probably."

"Okay, but if you need any company, please let me know!"

"I ain't that ill."

She nodded and turned her attention back to the dance floor, dreaming of doing a two-step with some redneck wearing tight Wranglers with one of them little butts.

Squiggy shivered. Thankfully most of the people were going back to their own business.

"I said I was sorry and give you a present," Mule said.

"I know, it's just wrong, Mule! Wrong, I say!"

"I can guarantee you that from now on if you ever need a nut took out, I don't care if that thing's mauled and your spooge is dripping out, I ain't gonna give nobody permission to take it out."

"My what's dripping out?"

"Yer spewie."

"Why the crap would my spewie be dripping out if my last nut's been mauled?"

"I don't know that it would. I'm just using that as an example."

"Ain't a very good example. I'm about to yack."

"Sorry," Mule said. He handed Squiggy a beer. "We still buds?"

"Course. I'm rightly pee'd off at you, but you's still my best bud."

Mule smiled. His eyes were starting to water. That was one of the nicest things anybody had ever said to him. "What happened with the deer chick?"

Squiggy shook his head. It was obviously a painful moment, which made Mule want to hear it even worse. "Well, we head out to my truck and get in," Squiggy said. "I ain't even in the seat and Fawn's already naked!"

Mule was in awe. "You didn't have to try and take none of her clothes off first?"

"Naw, she did it all on her own."

"Wow!"

"Yeah, I thought it was cool."

Mule grabbed his beer. His hand was shaking so bad he had to put it back down. "What happened then?"

"Well, I looked at her and she was hot, Mule! One fine looking filly! Her hoots were a little small but they was fine. No sag or nothing."

"Man! I like them boobs like that. So was they like the size of an orange or watermelon?"

"Watermelon?"

"Yeah, how big was they?"

"I just said they wasn't all that big, you doofus. I'd say an orange, I guess. It ain't like I had a fruit there with me to compare em with."

Mule didn't like being called a "doofus" and was a little upset, but was too interested in the story to complain. "Go ahead, Squiggy!"

Squiggy took a drink of beer. "She was on me like stink on a turd, dude! She was practically tearing my clothes off and kissing me everwhere!"

"Everwhere?"

"Well, not everwhere. A lot of places, okay?"

Mule nodded. He gestured for Squiggy to continue.

"So she takes my shirt off and pulls my britches and drawers off and..."

"Was she a little disappointed?"

"In what?"

"Nothing...never mind."

"She tries to get my thing going and it's like my willie was dead! It was dreadful!"

"Dadgum! That'd suck!"

"It did! Fawn messed with it for several minutes but it was like all the power was outta my thing. Like somebody flicked the switch off and I couldn't turn it back on!"

"What did she say?"

"She cursed for the most part."

"That wasn't nice," Mule said.

"I didn't think it was."

"So what happened?"

"After a few minutes, she gave up. We got dressed and came back in the bar."

"At least you saw her naked!"

"Yep," Squiggy said and actually smiled. "Nice!"

They sat around drinking beer for the next hour or so. For some reason, several hot chicks kept coming up and hitting on Squiggy. He lost count at five. They were not your usual bar hides, either. Prime meat stuff. The kind that usually wouldn't give him the time of day.

After the last one left, a young girl who looked like a model, Squiggy shook his head. "We best be going, Mule. I'm gonna have nightmares about this night forever."

"It ain't midnight yet, Squiggy. Don't you wanna see the new year in?"

"Not really, but I'll hang out for you. How come you ain't got your usual sluts hanging around?"

"I told em that I was gonna have to keep you company tonight and they'd have to get serviced elsewhere."

Squiggy nodded. That was the mark of a true friend. He was looking at this chick on the dance floor when he saw a man staring back at them. He was a large man, a little older, sitting at a table with some scuzzy woman.

Squiggy whopped Mule on the arm. "Hey, do you know that guy over there staring at us?"

Mule was about to take a drink. When he saw the man, the bottle slipped out of his hand, hit the table and crashed to the floor, scattering glass.

Chapter 41