Chapter 23

Mule could hardly contain his excitement. His pal Squiggy was back and they were going out for a night on the town. He didn't have a clue where Roland was or where they were going.

If he had known how the night would end up, Mule probably would have tried to talk his friend into doing something else.

The two intrepid travelers took off on their journey, quickly leaving Langford behind. They were making good time aside from the frequent stops on the side of the road to empty bladders rapidly filling up with good old 3.2 Oklahoma beer.

As they approached Pocola, a small town this side of Fort Smith, Mule's stomach groaned loud enough for Squiggy to hear.

"You ain't gonna crap your britches again, are you?" he asked. They were listening to a Hank Williams Jr. CD that Squiggy had found at the pawn shop for a dollar. There were several scratches and songs tended to get hung up, especially Family Tradition, one of Squiggy's favorites.

"Naw, I'm just hungry," Mule answered. "Ain't had much to eat."

"We'll eat when we gets there."

"Where we goin?"

"It's a surprise. If I told you, then it wouldn't be a surprise."

"You's right, Squiggy. It wouldn't." Mule watched the town of Pocola fly by. It was a bad speed trap but Squiggy didn't seem all that concerned. "You best slow down."

"No need. Cops ain't gonna stop nobody on Christmas Eve!" As if on cue, blinking lights came on behind them.

"Uh oh!" Mule said. "It's the cops!"

Squiggy nodded. He was biting his lip, trying to figure out a way to get out of this. His license was suspended and one more hit on his record would send him to jail for an extended vacation.

"Hide the beer," he said.

Mule looked around the cab of the truck. It looked like a dadgum refinery. Empty beer bottles were everywhere and there was a case sitting between them. "Where?"

Squiggy took his hunting jacket off and threw it over the beer in the seat. Mule started kicking the empty bottles under the seat and stuffing them in his pockets.

There were two officers of the law. One was coming around the driver's side while the other was stalking the passenger side. They both knocked on the windows with their flashlight.

The one on the passenger side waited until the window was down and flashed his light in Mule's face. He was a portly man with a bad case of acne scars. The cop was wearing shades even though it was dark.

"You drunk?" he asked.

"Naw, I'm Mule."

The cop grunted. This was not off to a good start. "Been drinking?"

Mule belched, sending noxious fumes toward the officer. "Sorry, occifer. I can't drink beer. It gives me the hives on my butt cheeks."

The other officer had examined the truck and didn't like what he saw. This cop was younger, not hardly old enough to shave. He also wore shades that were too big, making it look like they were goggles.

"Sir, why you got all them beer bottles and cans in the back?" he asked. His voice was almost squeaking.

Squiggy laughed. "I pick em up on the side of the road. I sell them."

The officer nodded. He almost seemed to believe it!

"I hate litterbuggers," he added.

"So do I," the cop squeaked back. "Any of them yours?"

Squiggy acted offended. "I don't think so, sir. I'm a preacher!"

Mule jerked his head toward his friend. "You is?"

Squiggy nodded. Mule wasn't exactly helping matters.

"I see," the officer said. "What's the name of your church?"

"Uh, it's the Church of God's Redeemed Son Jesus down near Stapp."

The cop took his hand off his pistol. "I've heard of that church. I've been looking for a good church. Might need to check it out."

"Look forward to seeing you," Squiggy said.

"What's your rush?" the officer asked.

"We's goin to Roland," Mule said. Squiggy wanted to hit him.

"Actually, we're goin to the Sparks Hospital to see one of my church goers. Then we's goin on to Roland to talk to a guy who has stopped goin to church."

Mule started to say something, but Squiggy held his hand up.

"Pastor, slow it down a little," the officer said. "Sorry to stop you."

"No problem, sir," Squiggy said.

The two cops started walking back toward the cruiser. Squiggy breathed a sigh of relief.

"That was close," Squiggy said. He stuck his head out the window. "Don't forget the reason for the season officers."

They nodded and Squiggy slowly pulled away.

The drive through Pocola was well below the established speed limit. They headed right at the intersection and entered Arkansas. Squiggy stopped at the first convenience store they came across.

"You gotta pee?" Mule asked.

"Naw, I'm gettin us some more beer."

Mule was perplexed by this. It wasn't like they had a beer shortage in the truck. "I figgered we had plenty of beer."

Squiggy shook his head. Sometimes Mule had rocks for brains. "I'm gittin us some of that Arkansas beer."

"Is it better?"

"About twice as strong."

"Wow!"

Squiggy went in the store while Mule waited outside. It took several minutes for his friend to return, carrying a huge sack. He dumped it on the seat.

"Man, you's my buddy!" Mule added. He grabbed the first one and downed most of it in one swig.

Squiggy took off driving again. He took the backroad through Fort Smith, still going slow. The officers in Fort Smith were probably a little brighter than the ones they encountered earlier. He arrived in downtown Fort Smith, deserted for the most part, and turned left back toward Oklahoma. They drove over the big bridge that took them over the Arkansas River and were back in the Sooner State.

"Boy, this is good beer!" Mule said. He should know. Mule had downed four in the last ten minutes. "I's gittin drunk Squiggy!"

Squiggy was to the point where he could barely make out the lines running down the middle of the road. They were passing by pastures on both sides, absent of any houses or businesses. He drove by the bingo parlor and turned left.

"Here we are," Squiggy announced.

Mule squinted his eyes. They were in a parking lot filled with cars and trucks. "What's that there sign say?"

"Something Gentleman's Club," he said. There was another word in front, but Squiggy didn't know what it said.

"We gentlemen?"

"Not tonight, Mule."

"Okay!" They downed the rest of their beer and walked toward the door. The man at the door informed them there was a cover charge. Mule looked crushed. "I ain't got no money!"

Squiggy muscled past. "This one's on me."

As he was paying, Mule walked away, but came back at a fast pace, his eyes bugging out.

"Squiggy, they's naked boobs in here!" Squiggy had never seen his friend so excited.

"Yep, they's are."

Squiggy didn't realize until too late that bringing Mule to a place like this wasn't a very good idea.

Chapter 24