Chapter 28

Mule waited impatiently to find out what happened but Squiggy was watching a red truck driving down the highway, revving its engine every few seconds.

"What the heck happened then?" Mule asked.

"Hang on," Squiggy said. He turned the key on and revved the engine to life. Squiggy left the parking lot and chased down the truck, pulling up next to it at the stoplight.

The red truck was decked out to the max. All the windows were tinted so dark that it was impossible to see inside. Squiggy tooted his horn a couple of times and rolled his window down. Finally, the passenger side window in the truck slowly descended. Inside the truck were a younger man with his girlfriend saddled up next to him.

They looked down at Squiggy with a small amount of disgust.

"Hey there, that thing got a hemi?" Squiggy said, sticking his head out the window.

The other driver smiled and nodded.

"I bet I can take you," Squiggy added.

"Ain't no way!" the other driver answered, shaking his head. His girlfriend rolled her eyes.

"On green, okay?" Squiggy asked.

The driver of the red truck nodded and got situated behind the wheel. His eyes were stuck on the light, waiting for the green light to appear. They didn't have to wait long. The light changed from red to green and the other driver squeeled his tires, floored the pedal to the metal and flew away.

Squiggy slowly eased through the four-way.

"They's beating us Squiggy!" Mule yelped.

"Hee hee," Squiggy giggled. "Watch this."

The black and white car came flying by Squiggy with the lights flashing. He had seen the Highway Patrol car coming up behind the red truck and decided to have fun.

The Highway Patrol car had the red truck stopped and pulled over by the next stoplight. Squiggy drove slowly by, honked and waved. The other driver didn't seem all that amused.

"That was a good un, Squiggy!" Mule said. He was also laughing. "So tell me what happened after you won the poker deal."

Squiggy pulled into a parking lot at the other end of town. "Gimme one of them beers."

Mule handed his friend a beer, even popped the top. This was so exciting that he wasn't even drinking.

"So I had knocked the fat feller out of the tournament and was a walkin away," Squiggy said. "I'd stolen the dork's glasses when he wasn't a lookin and was gonna throw em out in the road and let em get ran over."

"But then he couldn't see," Mule suggested.

"Naw, he could see fine. He just wore them cause it bothered the other fellers. So anyway, I thought that was why they was chasin me down. They caught me though."

"Did they bust you?"

"Not hardly. I tried to hand the feller the glasses but he didn't want em. So I asked him what he wanted. He was a big dude, even bigger than you. All musculared up like he was one of them dudes who strips down to his undies and poses for the chicks with the WD-forty sprayed on them."

"One of them, huh?"

"Yep. He was smilin and started pattin me on the back. You know me, I don't like guys to touch me."

"Yeah, you's afraid you might like it."

"No, I ain't! Take that back, you big weenied dumbbutt or I ain't gonna finish my story!"

"I's sorry," Mule said. He grabbed another cold refreshment out of the sack and handed it to his friend.

Squiggy was still squinting at his friend, but some of the anger diminished as he accepted the beer. "So the feller asked me why I was leaving. I didn't wanna tell him I was going to throw the fat guy's glasses out in the road to get runned over. So I just told him the tournament was over and I had kicked some serious butt."

Mule was captivated by the story. For a person with a limited attention span, this was about the most exciting story he had heard in years.

"Then the big guy asked about my winnings," Squiggy said. "He told me to follow him over to the cashier lady. I expected maybe two hunnerd bucks, or so, since that's what I paid to get in the tournament. We got over to the cash area and they asked if I wanted the money in check or cash."

"What'd you tell em?" Mule asked.

"I told em to gimme the cash, of course. So I stood there a while and they just kept piling more money out. I couldn't keep up with all the money so I asked how much I had won."

"And?"

"He told me twenty five," Squiggy added. "I ain't born yesterday and knew that wasn't right. There's more'n twenty five dollars there. They looked at me like most of the chicks do around here when I try to get em to leave a bar with me. Then, the woman counting out the money smiled and told me it wasn't twenty five dollars. It was friggin twenty-five thousand dollars!"

Mule looked like he had seen his bigfoot-ate father's ghost. "She said 'friggin'?"

"Naw, I just made that up."

"Did you really win that much moolah?"

"Crapfire if I didn't!"

Mule put his hands on the dashboard to steady himself. "That's a lotta money."

"Yeah, but it gets better."

"How could it get any better?"

"So I have them throw my money in a sack and start to leave. The same dude catches me and asks about my lodging. Well, I ain't hardly ever stopped up and tell him I'm always regular and don't ever need nothing to help me poop."

"He was a wondering about your pooping?" Mule asked.

"Naw, I was confused. He was a wondering where I was gonna sleep. I told him my truck, of course, and he looked a little confused and said they had some kinder sweet room for me. I could tell this place cost more'n the Motel Six, so I asked him how much that would run me."

"I bet it was spensive."

"Naw, they were gonna let me stay there for free cause I was such a good poker player. Free room, food and drinks."

"Golly!"

"Don't say that, Mule," Squiggy said. "You sound like that homo Gomer Pyle feller."

"Sorry. What happened then?"

"Well, I got Psycho and went up to my sweet. It was bigger'n most houses. Even had a bed in it. So me and the guy and Psycho get in the room. First thing that happens is Psycho takes a big runny dump right on they's fancy carpet."

"Did they kick you out on account of Psycho crapping on the floor?"

"Naw, I thought the guy was gonna get sick, but he got on his little walky talky thing and some Mexican guy came up and cleaned it up. I think it made him sick, though, cause I heard him doing the dry heaves while leaving."

"I feel sorry for the Mexican guy," Mule said.

"Yeah, so did I," Squiggy added. "He must've had to clean up Psycho's crap some ten times while we was stayin there."

"That'd suck."

"Yeah, better him than me. I gave him a five spot when we was leaving."

"That was nice of you."

"Yep, I tallied it up to fifty cents a pile. Anyhow, I got to eat free and drink free. All I had to do was put my name and room number on this piece of paper. After a while, I'd start making up names and fake room numbers on the ticket."

"Now that was cool!" Mule said.

"I thought so. Anyway, I was there for some two weeks, just eating, drinking, watching the big-screen television and going down to the pool to watch the chicks. Three chicks serviced me while I was there."

"For free?"

"Naw, I had to pay for it."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, but they was hot. Fake boobies and all."

"How much did it cost you?"

"I put it on that credit card that got cut off."

"They sexed you and put it on a credit card?"

"Yeah, ain't that cool?"

"How come they didn't hunt you down after figgerin out the card was a rook?" Mule asked. This high-tech finances was confusing him.

"I did that the last day before I checked out."

"You were with three ho's in the same day?"

"Yeah, I had em for breakfast, lunch and supper."

"Man, I'd like to stay there."

"I think I wore out my welcome. Apparently they didn't like for their free guests to stay but just for a few days. Two weeks musta been a little much, specially since I wasn't gambling with them. I figgered out they did the free deal cause they hoped I'd blow it all a gambling."

"Not old Squiggy, huh?"

"Nope, I walked out of there with all my money, cept a few dollars I gave away for tips and some new drawers. Kinder had a blowout in my other pair."

"Did you come home after that?"

"Heck no. The fun was just a starting. I wanted to see some stars."

"Did you look up in the stars?"

"Heck no. I went to Los Angeles."

"What happened?"

"Hee hee," Squiggy giggled. "You ain't gonna believe me."

"Try me! Please!"

"Okay, here it goes," he said, and told a story that Mule did have trouble believing.

Chapter 29