Chapter 35
Squiggy was about ready to call it a day, until he saw what the boy had taken from the big woman's house.
"Ain't that pot?" he asked.
"Dern straight," the boy said. He was holding a sandwich bag filled with marijuana, wrapping paper and a bong.
"Hee hee," Squiggy said. "You stole her dope!"
"Yep, wanna try some?"
"Aw, I best not. Pot makes me do stupid stuff."
"So?"
"I best not."
The boy shook his head. "C'mon, dude! It'd be cool. Riding round in the cop car gettin high!"
Squiggy smiled. That would be a good one. "Maybe one."
"Cool."
They got in the cruiser and slowly drove off as the boy prepared the bong. He had it loaded up and took the first hit. The smell quickly reached Squiggy's nose.
"Man, I ain't smoked pot in years," he said.
The boy passed the bong over to Squiggy, who took a hit and released the smoke. "Dern!"
"Good stuff, eh?"
Squiggy had a brief coughing fit. "Yep, lemme hit that again."
"Ain't yer turn."
"Then hurry up."
Squiggy made it to the highway and they drove up and down the road. The smoke soon was so thick that nobody could see inside and Squiggy was driving all over the road.
After a few hits, Squiggy started giggling and couldn't quit.
"What's so funny?" the boy asked.
"We's gettin high in the cop car!"
"Yeah!"
A call came in over the radio requesting assistance on a family disturbance on East third street.
"That us?" the boy asked.
"Figger it is. Tell em to leave us alone. We's busy."
"Serious?"
Squiggy nodded. He was enjoying this too much to be bothered with any law enforcing.
The boy picked up the microphone and pushed the button. "Hey, you needs to leave us be. We's busy right now."
"Sir, the caller said it is an emergency!" the operator pleaded.
The boy looked at Squiggy and giggled. "She called me 'sir'!"
Squiggy joined in. Through the fog of the car, he could see a car coming toward them on the highway. "Watch this!"
He drove straight toward the car, a blue Honda Civic. The other driver was hesitant for a second, then drove off in the ditch to avoid getting hit by the police car.
"Awesome!" the boy said, then coughed. "I'm, uh, high!"
"I'm, uh, Squiggy. Glad to meet you."
The radio blared again. "Sir, do we need to send somebody else to check out the disturbance?"
"Lemme see that," Squiggy said. He grabbed the microphone and keyed the switch. "Officer High and I'll check that out but after that you need to leave us alone. Who is this?"
"I'm the dispatcher."
Squiggy made a u-turn on the highway and almost slid into the gas tanks at a convenience store. "I know that. What's yer name?"
"Adrienne Bolt."
"You purdy?" Squiggy asked.
"Excuse me?"
"I asked if you was purdy?"
"Sir, I am at work."
"So, that don't mean you can't tell us if you's pretty."
"I'm okay," she said. "A little plump but my friends say I have a good personality."
The boy grabbed the microphone. "When you say a little plump, do you mean like whale fat or just a little jiggle?"
"I'm not that big."
Squiggy laughed. "Ask her about her boobs."
The boy looked a little worried. "You best do that."
He handed Squiggy back the microphone. "Tell us bout your jugs."
"Excuse me?"
"Tell us bout your melons."
"What do you want to know about them?"
"Is they nice? Saggy? Whatever."
"I have two of them. That's all you need to know."
Squiggy squinted at the radio. He had forgotten where they were going. "What was that address?"
She repeated it. "Hey, you wanna ride round with us?" Squiggy asked.
"I, uh, don't get off for two hours."
"Dang, you take a long time," Squiggy said. "I usually can't last more'n a few minutes."
The boy laughed so hard he spilled the pot on the floor.
"That doesn't surprise me," she said.
They pulled up in front of the house. It was one of the many rental houses on the east side of town. A small one. The screen door was torn off the hinges and the front door appeared to be kicked in. Squiggy and the boy got out of the car and started walking toward the house.
Squiggy noticed the boy was carrying the bong. "Best put that up. They might try and steal it."
The boy sat down in the car and lit up one more hit before joining Squiggy on the porch. Squiggy's eyes were foggy now and he had trouble finding the door handle. The boy pushed the door open.
"Freeze!" he hollered, then started laughing hard enough that he doubled over and fell to the ground. Squiggy walked in past him. The front room was a mess. Trash scattered all over. He walked through the darkened house.
"Hey, anybody here?" he hollered. Squiggy was about to give up when he heard a scream from a bedroom. He walked down the narrow hallway to the bedroom. The boy came up behind him.
"Kick it in!" the boy suggested. "That'd be cool!"
Squiggy giggled. "Okay!" He gave the door a good kick. The only problem was the door wasn't shut and opened a lot easier than he expected. Squiggy lost his balance and crashed to the floor. He shook his head and was helped up by the boy.
"Wrong door," the boy said. They heard another scream and realized it was coming from the other door.
This time, Squiggy tried the door handle. The door opened easily. It was pitch dark inside. He could hear some commotion coming from somewhere in the room, but the curtains shut out all the light. He fumbled around for a light switch and found it.
When he flicked the switch, the lights showed a Mexican man and woman fighting on the bed. He was a little squirt, nude as the day he was born. The woman was rather large, dressed and appeared like she wanted to stay that way.
The man had a steak knife in his hand, trying to use it on the woman.
"Hey, drop the knife, beaner!" the boy said.
The Mexican turned around for a second. He looked insane.
"We's the law!" Squiggy hollered. "Get off the fat chick!"
The woman was still struggling with the man, but cast Squiggy a dirty look. Apparently her grasp of English was fairly good.
"Whatta we goin to do?" the bloodied boy asked.
"Go get him off her," Squiggy said.
"Heck no, he's got a knife. You do it!"
Squiggy wasn't in the mood to fight a knife-carrying person, especially a Mexican one. He looked around for a weapon. Squiggy was about to give up when he saw something.
"What're you doing?" the boy asked.
Squiggy had found a towel on the floor. He whipped it up in a ball and walked toward the bed. Squiggy pulled the towel back and whipped it toward the man's head. It sounded like a whip going through the air. The first hit left a whelp on the man's neck.
"Good one!" the boy hollered. The Mexican turned around just in time for the second shot. This one caught him right in the mouth.
"Urgh!" he said. The man rubbed his mouth, forgetting for just a brief second the woman under him. She took advantage and tossed him off the bed. He hit his head on the nightstand and wound up sprawled on the floor. Squiggy walked over and stepped on the Mexican's hand.
He motioned for the boy to come over and get the knife. But before he got there, the woman did. It was like she was a wrestler coming off the top rope. She did a belly splash on the Mexican, causing a loud "oof". Squiggy grabbed the knife and moved back to watch her attack the man.
It was not a pretty sight. She delivered a pounding that was worse than Squiggy had ever seen. After a few minutes, they decided that justice had been served and walked back out to the car.
"Dude, I'm like seriously hungry," the boy said.
"So am I. Porky's gotta have some snacks in here. Open the glove container."
No luck. They were about to give up when the boy raised up the middle seat. It was like a mini-convenience store. Snack cakes, cookies, chips and much more.
"Nice!" Squiggy said. He grabbed a box and went to work.
The boy was eating a bag of chips. He saw what Squiggy had done and wasn't happy. "Hey, you ate a whole box of Little Debbie's!"
"They's my favorite," Squiggy said. He had chocolate and icing smeared all over his face. "They's one left."
"Lemme have it. I do like my Little Debbie's!"
Squiggy handed over the last snack cake and opened a can of Pringles when he looked up and saw the headlights behind him.
Chapter 36
"Ain't that pot?" he asked.
"Dern straight," the boy said. He was holding a sandwich bag filled with marijuana, wrapping paper and a bong.
"Hee hee," Squiggy said. "You stole her dope!"
"Yep, wanna try some?"
"Aw, I best not. Pot makes me do stupid stuff."
"So?"
"I best not."
The boy shook his head. "C'mon, dude! It'd be cool. Riding round in the cop car gettin high!"
Squiggy smiled. That would be a good one. "Maybe one."
"Cool."
They got in the cruiser and slowly drove off as the boy prepared the bong. He had it loaded up and took the first hit. The smell quickly reached Squiggy's nose.
"Man, I ain't smoked pot in years," he said.
The boy passed the bong over to Squiggy, who took a hit and released the smoke. "Dern!"
"Good stuff, eh?"
Squiggy had a brief coughing fit. "Yep, lemme hit that again."
"Ain't yer turn."
"Then hurry up."
Squiggy made it to the highway and they drove up and down the road. The smoke soon was so thick that nobody could see inside and Squiggy was driving all over the road.
After a few hits, Squiggy started giggling and couldn't quit.
"What's so funny?" the boy asked.
"We's gettin high in the cop car!"
"Yeah!"
A call came in over the radio requesting assistance on a family disturbance on East third street.
"That us?" the boy asked.
"Figger it is. Tell em to leave us alone. We's busy."
"Serious?"
Squiggy nodded. He was enjoying this too much to be bothered with any law enforcing.
The boy picked up the microphone and pushed the button. "Hey, you needs to leave us be. We's busy right now."
"Sir, the caller said it is an emergency!" the operator pleaded.
The boy looked at Squiggy and giggled. "She called me 'sir'!"
Squiggy joined in. Through the fog of the car, he could see a car coming toward them on the highway. "Watch this!"
He drove straight toward the car, a blue Honda Civic. The other driver was hesitant for a second, then drove off in the ditch to avoid getting hit by the police car.
"Awesome!" the boy said, then coughed. "I'm, uh, high!"
"I'm, uh, Squiggy. Glad to meet you."
The radio blared again. "Sir, do we need to send somebody else to check out the disturbance?"
"Lemme see that," Squiggy said. He grabbed the microphone and keyed the switch. "Officer High and I'll check that out but after that you need to leave us alone. Who is this?"
"I'm the dispatcher."
Squiggy made a u-turn on the highway and almost slid into the gas tanks at a convenience store. "I know that. What's yer name?"
"Adrienne Bolt."
"You purdy?" Squiggy asked.
"Excuse me?"
"I asked if you was purdy?"
"Sir, I am at work."
"So, that don't mean you can't tell us if you's pretty."
"I'm okay," she said. "A little plump but my friends say I have a good personality."
The boy grabbed the microphone. "When you say a little plump, do you mean like whale fat or just a little jiggle?"
"I'm not that big."
Squiggy laughed. "Ask her about her boobs."
The boy looked a little worried. "You best do that."
He handed Squiggy back the microphone. "Tell us bout your jugs."
"Excuse me?"
"Tell us bout your melons."
"What do you want to know about them?"
"Is they nice? Saggy? Whatever."
"I have two of them. That's all you need to know."
Squiggy squinted at the radio. He had forgotten where they were going. "What was that address?"
She repeated it. "Hey, you wanna ride round with us?" Squiggy asked.
"I, uh, don't get off for two hours."
"Dang, you take a long time," Squiggy said. "I usually can't last more'n a few minutes."
The boy laughed so hard he spilled the pot on the floor.
"That doesn't surprise me," she said.
They pulled up in front of the house. It was one of the many rental houses on the east side of town. A small one. The screen door was torn off the hinges and the front door appeared to be kicked in. Squiggy and the boy got out of the car and started walking toward the house.
Squiggy noticed the boy was carrying the bong. "Best put that up. They might try and steal it."
The boy sat down in the car and lit up one more hit before joining Squiggy on the porch. Squiggy's eyes were foggy now and he had trouble finding the door handle. The boy pushed the door open.
"Freeze!" he hollered, then started laughing hard enough that he doubled over and fell to the ground. Squiggy walked in past him. The front room was a mess. Trash scattered all over. He walked through the darkened house.
"Hey, anybody here?" he hollered. Squiggy was about to give up when he heard a scream from a bedroom. He walked down the narrow hallway to the bedroom. The boy came up behind him.
"Kick it in!" the boy suggested. "That'd be cool!"
Squiggy giggled. "Okay!" He gave the door a good kick. The only problem was the door wasn't shut and opened a lot easier than he expected. Squiggy lost his balance and crashed to the floor. He shook his head and was helped up by the boy.
"Wrong door," the boy said. They heard another scream and realized it was coming from the other door.
This time, Squiggy tried the door handle. The door opened easily. It was pitch dark inside. He could hear some commotion coming from somewhere in the room, but the curtains shut out all the light. He fumbled around for a light switch and found it.
When he flicked the switch, the lights showed a Mexican man and woman fighting on the bed. He was a little squirt, nude as the day he was born. The woman was rather large, dressed and appeared like she wanted to stay that way.
The man had a steak knife in his hand, trying to use it on the woman.
"Hey, drop the knife, beaner!" the boy said.
The Mexican turned around for a second. He looked insane.
"We's the law!" Squiggy hollered. "Get off the fat chick!"
The woman was still struggling with the man, but cast Squiggy a dirty look. Apparently her grasp of English was fairly good.
"Whatta we goin to do?" the bloodied boy asked.
"Go get him off her," Squiggy said.
"Heck no, he's got a knife. You do it!"
Squiggy wasn't in the mood to fight a knife-carrying person, especially a Mexican one. He looked around for a weapon. Squiggy was about to give up when he saw something.
"What're you doing?" the boy asked.
Squiggy had found a towel on the floor. He whipped it up in a ball and walked toward the bed. Squiggy pulled the towel back and whipped it toward the man's head. It sounded like a whip going through the air. The first hit left a whelp on the man's neck.
"Good one!" the boy hollered. The Mexican turned around just in time for the second shot. This one caught him right in the mouth.
"Urgh!" he said. The man rubbed his mouth, forgetting for just a brief second the woman under him. She took advantage and tossed him off the bed. He hit his head on the nightstand and wound up sprawled on the floor. Squiggy walked over and stepped on the Mexican's hand.
He motioned for the boy to come over and get the knife. But before he got there, the woman did. It was like she was a wrestler coming off the top rope. She did a belly splash on the Mexican, causing a loud "oof". Squiggy grabbed the knife and moved back to watch her attack the man.
It was not a pretty sight. She delivered a pounding that was worse than Squiggy had ever seen. After a few minutes, they decided that justice had been served and walked back out to the car.
"Dude, I'm like seriously hungry," the boy said.
"So am I. Porky's gotta have some snacks in here. Open the glove container."
No luck. They were about to give up when the boy raised up the middle seat. It was like a mini-convenience store. Snack cakes, cookies, chips and much more.
"Nice!" Squiggy said. He grabbed a box and went to work.
The boy was eating a bag of chips. He saw what Squiggy had done and wasn't happy. "Hey, you ate a whole box of Little Debbie's!"
"They's my favorite," Squiggy said. He had chocolate and icing smeared all over his face. "They's one left."
"Lemme have it. I do like my Little Debbie's!"
Squiggy handed over the last snack cake and opened a can of Pringles when he looked up and saw the headlights behind him.
posted by Craig Hall at 6:06 AM
1 Comments:
Speechless, that's about it - I'm just speechless. The Squister always delivers something. Opinions might be clouded on what he delivers, but I'm an addicted reader. I think this might have something to say about my personality but that's a separate issue.
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